Doggone year

“Dogs lick their balls because they can.” -Bill Burr, You people are all the same

SINCE it is the year of the dog, I think it’s only fitting that my first My Wit’s End will discuss the dogs of war, hound politicians, and its loyal mutts barking in their respective home fronts.

This is going to be a fun blind item article because I don’t even have to give you a clue who these people are in this administration. Somehow, you’ll supply your own in your head. They are that prevalent in this administration.

To be fair to Digong Dada though, these kinds of people were also present in the past administrations, even during the Commonwealth days of what would be the Republic now. So much so, that after at least a full year under his administration, I am wondering about the change he promised.

All the bluster during the campaign of eradicating drugs and corruption now appear to be just an intestinal gas from a publicity hound.

Let’s start dissecting these kinds of characters with a sort of glossary. The fun part will be, you, my dear readers, supplying who specifically these people are in your head. Whether they are the same people I have in mind does not really matter.

These characters: dogs of war, hound politicians, and their mutts can be collectively called pimps. However, there are certain subtleties or nuances, if you will, in how they operate.

The phrase “dogs of war” was first spoken by Mark Antony in Act 3, Scene 1, line 273 of William Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar. “Cry ‘Havoc!’ and let slip the dogs of war.”

For the Trekkies, the exact same Shakespearean line was uttered by the character of Odo played by Rene Auberjonois in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

Since the term was used first by a British bard, it is only fair that we start with how the English Oxford dictionary defines the phrase.

“The dogs of war (phrase), literary: The destruction accompanying military conflict.”

However, we are not using this phrase in a literary context. For the purpose of this article, we are using this phrase as a type of language that is more common in speech than writing and more specifically restricted to a particular context. Hence, we will use the English dictionary of Slangs.

Online Urban Dictionary defines dogs of war as “A somewhat derogation term used for mercenaries, or soldiers for hire. Generally describes ex-soldiers or combat experts that offer either direct service or military training in exchange for money.”

I know what you’re thinking right after you read that preceding paragraph. You are probably thinking “Marawi City.” The supposed liberation of Marawi City was P3 billion to P4 billion easy. I didn’t pull this figure out of thin air. This figure is based on actual pronouncements of people in government.

This administration’s penchant for waging “wars” on almost anything the dogs of war cannot help it.

Now, where do you think the commission of all those purchases of bullets, ordnance, rockets, bombs, the fuel for tanks and fighter jets, to name a few, go? Katching!

Let’s go to the next character, the hound politicians.

Merriam-Webster defines a hound politician as “a mean despicable person.” While Online Urban Dictionary defines it as “a man-whore, pimp, or player.”

Anent to the hound politicians is that they are, for the most part, also publicity hounds which are a slang for someone who seeks to have the attention of the public constantly focused on him or herself, typically by means of attracting media coverage. A hound politician is also a compulsive womanizer, an inveterate schemer, and thinks only for its own agenda.

Now, I wonder who could these people be? There are so many people in Barong nowadays seeking public approbation without practically anything to back it up (read: the war on drugs and corruption).

These people are usually in the limelight of national polity. That leaves us with the last character in our list — the hound politicians’ mutts.

Again, using the Online Urban Dictionary, a mutt is an informal noun. It is defined as “humorous derogatory or a person regarded as stupid or incompetent.”

My late father Emilio used to define these people as “persons who are too big for their britches.”

Now, I need not name names here but we see these people on TV, hear them on the radio, and see and hear them online.

These are the apologists. The supposed “translators” of what their hound politicians’ pronouncements actually mean, like we are the stupids in this equation.

I have a deep connection with these politicians’ mutts. For those who are following me on social media platforms, you can see them expertly hounding almost anything I post. They screen capture it and put their own twist on what I posted. These people are not your average garden-variety trolls, mind you. These mutts employ trolls. In a way, they are slightly further up the leash of command.

There you go. The characters that will regale us with their antics and stunts during this dog show of a year. They may not be pedigree but still, I regard these people as wayward souls who had pathetic pasts and are only making the most of what these recent doggone years could offer.

So, here’s to the dogs of war, hound politicians, and mutts: Raise the woof!