“For the night is dark and full of terrors…” – George R. R. Martin
AFTER a massive research on the Internet for two long grueling weeks, especially the social media, I am now unequivocally convinced that my personal savior has come.
My savior is beyond reproach and He is running for Malacañang. Yes, He is a man–so was the Aramaic-speaking son of a carpenter.
Unlike Jesus who died on the cross for the sins of humanity, my savior will kill for me.
Anybody who knows Him will tell you that He has led his people in “salvaging” those who broke His law, His brand of justice and logic. What about due process, you ask? Well, due process does not apply to His divine will.
To officially declare my allegiance and fealty to His Holiness, The Great and Benevolent Digong, I am offering this simple novena. I respectfully suggest you make this the new 3:00 o’clock habit.
O Lord Digong, to your most sacred fist bump I confide these intentions:
Only look upon me, Oh my precious Digong then does what Your heart inspires. Let Your sacred fist bump decide… I count on it… I trust in it blindly… I throw myself on its mercy.
Response: For the night is dark and full of terrors… praise be Digong.
Let us exalt all of His online trolls (paid and unpaid hacks) who defend His name with pure devotion and without mental reservation or logical explanations. For my savior is beyond reproach.
Response: For the night is dark and full of terrors… praise be Digong.
For Your exquisite wisdom to rain upon the unbelievers who could not understand your sense of humor. How can we, mere mortals, understand that raping a beautiful dead woman is just a joke–a cosmic divine joke.
Response: For the night is dark and full of terrors… praise be Digong.
For the Holy Digong to smite the biased media machinery who have smeared our Lord’s reputation by digging into His bank accounts and other past shenanigans as the unbeliever would like to call it.
Response: For the night is dark and full of terrors… praise be Digong.
For those who still hold on to their strange gods and idols, to drop their ludicrous beliefs and look unto You, only you, oh dear Digong, for enlightenment and guidance.
Response: For the night is dark and full of terrors… praise be Digong.
Lord Digong, you will not fail me. I trust in you, Lord Digong. I believe in your love for me. Your sacred fist bump, your kingdom come–well, it’s Quiboloy’s for now but we’ll just snatch it from him when you become president, my liege.
Amen.
* This opinion piece first appeared in Gold Star Daily's May 3,2016 issue.
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