Sendong 2.0

“Most floods are caused by man, not weather; deforestation, levee construction, erosion, and overgrazing all result in the loss of ecosystem services.” -Paul Hawken

IT felt weird looking at oddly familiar scenes and smelling the same odor as I was coming home to Consolacion on Saturday night.

Riding the trisikad from UCCP’s main church, I was greeted with the fetid smell of mud and debris. As we turned a corner on Burgos Street, a husband was gently stroking his spouse to comfort her. They were both squatting in the mud. The woman was crying profusely as she looked at a heap of assorted things in ankle-deep of mud — their belongings, I presumed.

Moving on to District 2 of Consolacion, people were busy shoveling mud off their houses while their children helped by falling in line with containers for water at a firetruck that parked near the chapel. The sun had come out later that day, so at 5-ish pm, I could still see all these things.

Earlier that day, we evacuated our home, “Crow’s Nest,” when the city hall’s Disaster Resiliency and Reduction Management Department hoisted the “code red alert.” It was a good 30 minutes before the barangay counterpart switched the emergency siren on which meant forced evacuation was being implemented.

We agreed that my ex-girlfriend and the kids would stay at her sister’s house uptown while I would report for work.

However, a close family friend couldn’t leave his chickens in his backyard. He lives nearer the river than us and we had expected it would be flooded as soon as Cagayan River swelled. So, it was agreed that he bring his poultry animals in our house which was on the second floor of my ex-girlfriend’s ancestral home.

So, it was a win-win agreement. Crow’s Nest would be secured from burglars while our friend and his feathery friends would be out of harm’s way.

He was alone at Crow’s Nest at the height of the flooding. He would text or call me for updates.

Before I continue, I’d like to give a shoutout of thanks to friends who sent photos and videos via the private message of how our block looked as the severe tropical storm Vinta barreled through the city.

For the first time since typhoon Sendong, I was watching our house getting flooded from the outside looking in.

The difference with Vinta, however, was that we were prepared. We prepared our minds even before Vinta made landfall. We charged all our cell phones because we knew, just like in Sendong, that power would be cut off once the flooding starts. We stored two gallons of mineral water. We packed our grab bags which contained toiletries, three-day worth of clothes, and important documents sealed in zip-lock plastic bags. We did these on Thursday night.

I guess experience is the best teacher.

City hall was well-prepared and systems were already in place. So that when the river swelled up to its critical point of nine meters, every department — from the police, fire brigade, civilian rescue teams — were already doing what they were tasked to do.

The mayor was on top of things. He wasn’t visually bossing around people, smoking cigarettes and pointing orders. He was at the command center since Thursday night monitoring Vinta via satellite feed.

The city’s information office did not elude the questions of the press and answered the questions in succinct and clear manner. They gave out critical updates on their social media platforms.

I was even surprised with my neighbors. During Sendong and typhoon Pablo before, in my opinion, they were the most bull-headed people on earth. They ignored the alerts during the Pablo onslaught. Sendong, on the other hand, had no alerts whatsoever. Well, that’s that.

One Sendong is enough for a wise guy and the city rose up to the occasion and overcame another Christmas Grinch.

The zero casualty in the city, despite the widespread flooding in the city, is a testament to how well-prepared the people of Kagay-an are.

Kudos, Kagay-an! Now, where’s that leftover ham?

Ai and I

THIS is the story of how I met my soul mate.

Two days from today, my ex-girlfriend and I will have been married for 23 years. It may sound cheesy but it really doesn’t feel like 23 years have gone by.

We met on a convenient arrangement. She had just broken up with her boyfriend and I was looking for one — girlfriend, silly. We were both studying at Xavier University then. Her Juniors’ Night was up and coming and she had already paid for two.

Luckily, a mutual friend — her batchmate at the college of education and my peer at the Ateneo Catechetical Instruction League — introduced us in the old canteen. Yes, the one to the left of the Immaculate Chapel in the XU main campus.

That time, however, I wasn’t really a boyfriend material. I was really in a bad place. I told our mutual friend that as a disclaimer since I don’t want to be disappointing her friend whom she was doing a favor.

She told me not to be silly and that the date was just so my ex-girlfriend’s extra ticket won’t go to waste.

Sure enough, I was 30 minutes late on their Juniors’ Night. I had just come from a gathering of some friends and had to go home in Villa Ernesto (read: Gusa) to change.

But when I saw her that night. It was really a sight to behold. She was wearing a dress that hugged every curve of her body. She was absolutely stunning.

We slow-danced which was totally useless because everything that night seemed to play in slow motion. Her almond eyes and her vibrant smile was intoxicating.

When the night was over I kissed her good night. I was so not over her for the rest of the month.

A week after, our mutual friend and I held a drinking marathon at the old Caesar’s bar on Capistrano. On a dare, I asked where my ex-girlfriend live. She told me “Consolacion”.

I was already tipsy when I went to my ex-girlfriend’s place. She was already in her PJs with no makeup on. But still stunning.

I told her I wanted to be her boyfriend. Selfish asshat that I am, I didn’t really know how to woo a girl. I told her I wasn’t leaving until she said, “Yes”.

She did give me her “yes”. To up the ante, I told her I wasn’t leaving until she gave me a kiss like what mamas and papas do. She hesitated.

Then she kissed me and I kissed back. Suddenly out of nowhere, her aunt shrieked: “Hala ka! Si Ailynnakighalok diri sa hagdanan!”

My now mother-in-law told me in a relaxed voice that I’d better leave before her husband comes home from a drinking binge with the other village toughies.

I left immediately.

From that time on, we’d have picnics on a patch of lawn beside the ACIL office. Her reading a book while I pester her with my silly songs with my guitar.

Bai, you have been with me through thick and thin — well, mostly thin — and that’s exactly the reason why 23 years feel inconsequential.

Here’s to another 23 years, bai. I love you more or in Latin: Labia Majora.

Vendetta, not accountability (2)

“The past can’t hurt you anymore unless you let it.” -Alan Moore, V for Vendetta

THE following are the other characters in this charade of justice called the impeachment complaint against Supreme Court Chief Justice Maria Lourdes Sereno.

If you were watching the same impeachment hearing on television last week, I would not blame you if you feel like it’s a déjà vu. It has been as fast as the congressional inquiry against Sen. Leila de Lima.

So far, we have mentioned two of the characters behind this show. The bruised lawyer and the architect predicated the complaint. Now let’s dig deeper into the cast and characters.

The Pork-Loving Butterfly

The chairman of the House committee on justice is in charge of facilitating the deliberation on the impeachment complaint against Sereno. He is none other than Oriental Mindoro 2nd District Rep. Reynaldo Umali.

What is his beef against Sereno, you ask?

To be fair, he may have a grudge against all the justices who ruled that the Priority Development Assistance Funds unconstitutional or pork barrel.

In September 2013, he was accused of funneling P10 million into a non-government organization allegedly owned by the alleged pork barrel queen herself, Janet Lim-Napoles. In his defense, Umali claimed that the money did not come from his pork barrel but from the then Agriculture Secretary Presco Alcala’s Priority Development Fund.

In December 2013, Umali revealed that he was working on impeachment cases against as many as three Supreme Court justices for flip-flopping on their decisions on the PDAF.

You must remember that Sereno was already the chief justice when the High Tribunal ruled the PDAF unconstitutional.

Let’s not also forget that Umali first belonged to the Liberal Party. That’s right, the “dilawan.” He skittered on to the now ruling party, PDP-Laban, just as the so-called supermajority was forming in the Lower House.

The Bypassed Justice

One male Supreme Court Justice has been poised to be the next chief justice. At least, that’s what he has allegedly been saying to the SC staff for the longest time.

According to reports from SC staff, he makes frequent proclamations that he will be the next chief justice and his wife will be the next presiding justice of the Court of Appeals.

So, you can just imagine his dismay when the then President Benigno Simeon Aquino III chose Sereno over him as the next chief justice. This decision, however, was not entirely a vindictive move on the part of PNoy.

Talk has it that he deliberately did not submit an application during the process of discernment for appointing the next chief justice. He felt that he was a shoo-in for the position and his regular visits to Malacañang have given him that assurance (of sorts).

The Meme Girl

A meme, with the picture of another SC justice on it, has been going around on social media platforms with the caption: “I-tag mo ang ka opisina mo na backstabber.”

Insiders at SC claim she went the rounds to seek the support of other justices against Sereno. To quote: “She does her rounds with judges on a mission to spread gossip about the Chief Justice.”

However, Sereno still supported her in her bid as head of the Women’s Judges Association of which she still heads to this day.

In 2011, she was accused of misusing funds. The World Bank told her that the SC will have to return the US$199 thousand (P8.6 million) of the US$21-million loan which was meant for judicial reform but was instead used for projects not covered by the loan agreement.

In July this year, the Justice allegedly circulated a memorandum to the other SC justices containing the very same three objections in lawyer Lorenzo Gadon’s 27-allegation complaint against Sereno.

So, there. That cast of characters complete the Sereno impeachment circus. If your suspects behind this circus aren’t listed in this two-part series, then chances are you are more inquisitive than I am. Please do contact me, electronically or personally, so we can add those to my next My Wit’s End.

However, you have to back it up with facts. We don’t just whip up something out of thin air. Don’t be afraid because you’ll also be covered by the Sotto Law.

Also referred to as the Press Freedom Law (RA 53), the Sotto Law protects the publisher, editor, columnist or duly accredited reporter of any newspaper, magazine or periodical of general circulation. It protects the journalist from being compelled to name his news source.

Yesterday, Digong Dada submitted his proposal for the extension of martial rule in Mindanao. So let’s maximize the rights and civil liberties we have now while we still can.

Vendetta, not accountability

“Behind this mask is an idea and ideas are bulletproof.” — Alan Moore, V for Vendetta

NOW it can be told. Now the rogues in barongs have been unmasked. The cast and characters behind the impeachment complaint against Supreme Court Chief Justice Maria Lourdes Sereno are out for vengeance and are not exactly out to exact accountability from the head of the High Tribunal.

Out for Vengeance

The 27-allegation complaint against Sereno filed by lawyer Lorenzo Gadon before the Lower House’s committee on justice would lead us to believe that Sereno has been committing crimes against the people and so, she should be impeached.

However, political analyst Ramon Casiple, during a forum of the Integrated Bar of the Philippines on Oct. 12, told the audience that Gadon personally told him that the latter filed the impeachment complaint about three reasons:

(1) To avenge Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo;

(2) To avenge the impeachment of the late Chief Justice Renato Corona; and

(3) To ensure that Ferdinand “Bongbong” Marcos Jr. gets the vice presidency.

The Architect

Before Gadon filed the complaint, it can be recalled that the Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez started the impeachment buzz against Sereno in the Lower House. He was the one who made public that 25 representatives have endorsed the impeachment complaint.

Alvarez’ mettle with Sereno dates back to when the two were embroiled in the cases involving Philippine International Air Terminals Company Inc (Piatco).

Acting then as Manila International Airport Authority assistant manager and, later, Department of Transport and Communications secretary, Alvarez allegedly funneled millions of pesos into his and his friends’ pockets while working on Ninoy Aquino International Airport Terminal 3. This was done through alleged under-the-table deals, bloating declared budget, and allegedly sub-contracting the construction firm owned by his wife.

However, Sereno, one of the hired counsels of the Office of the Secretary-General, foiled the alleged money-making operations of an arbitral tribunal which caused the Piatco Group to lose them in two arbitration cases.

So as it appears now, he seemed to have designed the impeachment complaint and make it appear that they are pushing the Duterte administration’s no-nonsense stand against corrupt government officials.

The cost of war

"Our so-called leaders speak with words; they try to jail you. They subjugate the meek but it's the rhetoric of failure." ― The Police, Spirits in the material world [1981]

WITH all the warmongering that has been going on the past days, the war-hawks are sure going to make a killing this coming Christmas ― pun intended.

Many pundits of different political persuasions have already weighed in on Digong Dada's supposed revolutionary government come Nov. 30. Needless to say, I am not joining the fray anymore lest My Wit's End will end up dishing out an analysis paralysis on the subject.

Instead, let's say that this column will be sort of an advanced statement of billing to the cost of what will inevitably be a full-scale nationwide war. Yes, you read it right. We are going to discuss the cost of war ― the monetary and social costs.

How are we going to do that, you ask? We will base our calculations from the available data of the recently concluded Marawi campaign of this administration. We will also include the data of former President Ejercito Estrada's all-out war in Mindanao. It might not arrive at an accurate figure, in terms of monetary cost, but at least we can get a clearer picture of how much this looming all-out war against the communist insurgency across the country would cost.

We, however, might have to multiply the estimated cost three-fold to account for the other two island groupings of the country.

Right out of the bat, no less than Defense Secretary Delfin Lorenzana gave an estimated cost of P3 million but that was in August. The Philippine Daily Inquirer cited Lorenzana as saying that the Army alone spent P1.3 billion midway into the supposed liberation of Marawi.

That figure is not hard to imagine considering they were successful in bombing Marawi to smithereens. During the Marawi campaign, we saw the extensive use of free-fall bombs from F-50 fighter jets. The military opted bombardment because they weren't know how to fight in close quarter battles.

In his column in Mindanews, Maki Datu-Ramos pegged the cost of each bomb at P150 thousand to P200 thousand. You only need to multiply this amount by the number of bomb-runs each day from May 24 up its supposed liberation to get a close estimation how much taxpayers' money spent to pulverized the city.

"To sum up, Mindanao wars for a period of 1970 to 2001 had cost the Philippine government a staggering P2 trillion an amount nearly equivalent to our past P2.6 trillion 2015 national budget," Datu-Ramos wrote.

It was also during the Marawi war that we saw our Army use rocket-propelled grenade launchers. We saw the Scout Rangers use them in news photos and video clips. These RPGs are courtesy of Philippine's old friend Uncle Sam.

Supposedly under the US Foreign Military Sales project, the government had an Approved Budget of Contract of P94.98 million for the purchase of 355 RPG-7s and 4,813 rounds of assorted ammunition. The final approved contract amount, however, was set at P81.73 million. You can check out the figures out at https://maxdefense.blogspot.com/2017/07/philippine-army-finally-receives-atgl-l.html.

"Based on (feedback) we receive from MaxDefense community members from the Army, the RPGs were already used in combat as early as last year against Maute terrorists in Western Mindanao," Max Defense group blogged in July, this year.

If we recall Estrada’s all-out war against the Moro Islamic Liberation Front in 2000, the government coffers coughed up some P6 billion. Ed Lingao, who was writing for the Philippine Center for Investigative Journalism then, estimated that the government spent P76 billion in the war in Mindanao from 1970 to 1996 alone.

Now, we go and examine the social cost of the Marawi war. According to the latest figures monitored by the Department of Social Welfare and Development, a total of 77,170 families (353,636 individuals) evacuated Marawi City. The DSWD further broke it down to 38,949 families fled to northern Mindanao, 33, 221 families fled to the Autonomous Region in Muslim Mindanao, 2,386 families fled to Soccsksargen region, and the rest to the regions of Davao, Caraga, and the central Visayas.

To date, DSWD said there are 4,668 families (20,639 individuals) still crammed in evacuation centers and an estimated 75,502 families still living with their relatives outside of Marawi City.

As I’m writing this column, Karapatan Caraga issued an alert that residents from 12 tribal communities in Barangay Diatagon, Lianga and Barangay Buhisan, San Agustin in Surigao del Sur evacuation their homes due to military operations.

At least 706 students and 51 teachers of nine Lumad schools are affected, Karapatan Caraga pointed out in their alert.

Expect this figures ― both monetary and social costs ― to triple or even quadruple when Digong Dada starts his war of attrition against the communist insurgency.

Ever since its founding in 1969, each president has taken a stab at quelling the communist insurgency through military might. For almost half a century, each president of the republic has taken the more expensive route in addressing the civil war rather than negotiating for peace and truly address the roots of the unrest in the countrysides. Why would Digong Dada change that tradition now, because he promised change? Pfft.

The United States is still very much in power in the Philippines, oligarchs are running high at the Batasan Hills, and a fickle man-child, with bouts of temper tantrums, is in the Palace. We are, figuratively, back where we started.

So much for change huh?

Warmongering

“Evil is more dangerous when it takes the cloak of familiarity.” – Mario Puzo, The Godfather

WHAT scares me most is that a lot of people seem to be perfectly comfortable with Digong Dada’s recent pronouncements.

In a speech on Saturday, the President said he will declare and follow America’s categorization of the New People’s Army as a terrorist organization.

The President went on to say that his decision stemmed from the fact that the Maoist guerrillas killed a four-month-old baby in an ambush in Bukidnon.

“You know, that is an intentional act. It is not an accident. ’Wag mong sabihin ’di mo alam ’yan na may disgrasya ’yang bata namatay,” CNN-Philippines quoted Duterte as saying.

Most of the comments on this paper’s story on the ambush were quick to condemn the latest atrocity of the communists in the hinterlands, and I say rightfully so.

The killing of a baby is a reprehensible act. I condemn it in the highest of terms. I denounce it as I denounce the lumad killings, including the attack that killed a pregnant lumad while she was attending a wedding.

The high command of the National Democratic Front in Mindanao apologized for the killing of the baby. But no amount of apology or indemnification will bring the baby back to life. It is the same way as when government apologizes for the militarization of tribal communities… wait, have they ever apologized?

What is terrorism, by the way?

Google says the word has its roots in the acts of the Jacobin faction during the French Revolution in the late 18th century.

Google adds that “it is the unlawful use of violence and intimidation, especially against civilians, in the pursuit of political aims.”

Wikipedia defines terrorism as “political violence in an asymmetrical conflict that is designed to induce terror and psychic fear (sometimes indiscriminate) through the violent victimization and destruction of noncombatant targets (sometimes iconic symbols).”

From the two definitions, I dare say both camps are guilty of committing acts of terrorism.

The President also went on to say that he will order a “crackdown” on Bagong Alyansang Makabayan since “they are in conspiracy with the rebellion going on.”

Bayan may be guilty of agitating the people into asserting their rights but I think they are not the cause of the rebellion. With or without Bayan, a people that are repressed, militarized, abused, and neglected will always struggle to improve their lot. If peaceful means, like peace talks, fail, they will resort to the only language they have suffered from a repressive government ? violence.

Violence begets violence.

We have witnessed this throughout history. We saw this in the Bolshevik Revolution 100 years ago. Imagine how surprised the Czar of Russia was when peasants with pitchforks and workers with crappy rifles went toe-to-toe with the imperial army.

This will escalate and the biggest loser will be the people at large. It will not hurt the war hawks who will be profiting from a full-scale war against the longest running rebellion in Asia. It will not hurt the generals who will be barking orders from a war room.

At the risk of sounding like a doomsayer, this will end badly for all of us.

Ms. Informed

A WEEK ago, this administration’s (mis) communicators dished out a flurry of faux pas. They now appear to be the comedy piñata that keeps on giving and I, a certified self-confessed online heckler, am enjoying every bit of it.

So, the comedy week started with an intra-office memo written by Presidential Communication Operations Office assistant secretary Margaux Uson, which she then posted on her Facebook page.

Now, I’ve always believed in content over form. Uson’s letter has neither of those. It had bad grammar, spelling included. Worse, the content and message of the memo were uninformed (read: ignorant).

Uson wanted to “reclassify” online news organization Rappler as a “social media” so the news outfit would be under her purview.

It is clearly written and guaranteed in our 1987 Constitution that government shall not abridge the people’s freedom of expression and by axiomatic extension, the people’s right to a free press.

I say Rappler is doing its watchdog role and this administration cannot stand it.

A few minutes after Uson posted her memo, UP communications professor Danilo Arao posted the memo with his corrections. Let’s just say, for humanitarian reasons, that the memo looked like a Christmas tree — it was adorned with a liberal amount of red ink.

As if to explain her erroneous memo, Uson compared Rappler to bloggers Mindavote. Her premise is that because of Rappler, like Mindavote, has no print and broadcast outputs is not a news media but a social media. For her information, social media are websites and applications that enable users to create and share content or to participate in social networking. Rappler, like most newsrooms, have field reporters and they do not publish unvetted information.

Sure, they’ve had some “kuryente” stories before but it retracts and issues an erratum right after. Now, how many Facebook users or Youtubers have you seen issue an erratum for erroneous or libelous posts?

The next office to entertain us with their impeccable command of the English language was the Asean 2017 National Organizing Committee.

A tarpaulin to supposedly welcome Southeast Asian delegates misspelled the name of its own country! The tarp reads: “Asean 50 Philippines: Welcome to the Philppines! Asean delegates.”

The NOC has since ordered the removal of the embarrassing tarps.

In a statement, lawyer Michel Kristian Ablan, assistant secretary for PCOO’s policy and legislative affairs, said the tarps “did not conform to the approved final artwork.”

He then passed the buck to Department of Interior and Local Government-National Capital Region.

“The DILG NCR already issued a statement (that) clarified that it was issued by them, it was posted by them, and they already took them down and that they are replacing those posters with (the) correct spelling of the country Philippines,” Ablan added.

As I was scanning my Facebook newsfeed the morning after, I saw that, as usual, the apologists and fanatics of this administration did not get the point about the erroneous Asean tarps.

1. Online trolls were quick to quip that the dilawans will surely use this latest faux pas and pin it on Digong Dada. If you look closely at the humorous reposting of the photo of the tarps, nobody is blaming their lord and savior. All of us merely pointed out how embarrassing the tarp is considering it has misspelled the name of our own country.
2. The Asean tarps were bought and paid for with taxpayers’ money. Our money. For the information of these online trolls, the budget allotted for #Asean50 is about P15 BILLION (all caps mine).
3. Some trolls also pointing out the supposed “crab mentality” of those who critiqued the tarps. Do yourselves a favor and Google what that idiom really means so you’ll not appear stupid. Well, you are but that’s not the point.
4. Trolls rebut that those who pointed out the mistake are nitpicking and are “nagmamagaling.” Again, and I cannot stress this enough, for P15 billion, you can’t even hire a decent proofreader?
5. When you use the copout: “Well, that’s my opinion. Respect it.” We are not discussing opinions here. It’s spelling-grammar.

Yes, you have the right to your opinion. That’s freedom of expression. But respecting and appreciating your opinion is not part of that freedom. I’m well within my rights to express to tell you your opinion is ludicrous.

Ad for the wishy-washy

“Maybahay, ******** ko 13 oras – Garantisado: buong gabi ligaya.” – www.borsa.ru

CALL it what you will but because of the kind of vibes this administration emanates, its spin doctors and apologists often never fail to follow suit — with “funny” repercussions, if I may add.

I call it the steamy and macho kind of vibes.

Last week, one of the outspoken (which most of whom usually are) apologists of Digong Dada, La Salle political science Prof. Antonio P. Contreras, posted a public rant of sorts on his Facebook wall.

“Rappler complains about the ethics of a broadcaster allegedly threatening one of its reporters, but it doesn’t even bother choosing the kind of ads it allows to be published on its page. Horribly disgusting! John Nery must be furious at this obscenity,” he first posted.

The rant was about a story of Rappler reporting about yet another Digong drummer boy RJ Nieto goading Palace spokesperson Harry Roque to throw hollow blocks at Rappler journalist Pia Ranada on live talk radio over DwIZ 882AM. The quote I cited at the beginning of this column is the exact wording of the ad Contreras pointed out as “horribly disgusting.”

As to why the great Contreras singularly called out Kagay-anon John Nery, I still cannot connect. Nery is the editor-in-chief of Philippine Daily Inquirer’s Internet content and is in no way connected or involved with Rappler’s website. You can even call the two news organizations competitors.

Moving on, naturally, the public post went viral. Most of those who shared (me included), pointed out that the ad that appeared below the Rappler article was a result of Google Adsense’s logarithm. To break it down, the ads that appear on certain parts of any website that avails this ad logarithm depends on the kind of websites you usually browse. It is like an artificial intelligence of sorts. Google Adsense profiles the user according to his or her browsing history.

So, based on that particular ad, the algorithm of Google Adsense profiled the user to be a sex-craving middle-aged male with a limp member. I posted this explanation with Contreras’ public rant and most of the others who shared the “hard” post of Contreras, as well.

Before you judge, it is not a pornographic ad. As I understand it, it is an ad for a sex-performance enhancement drug. In short, it’s anti-erectile dysfunction medicine. Except for the one vulgar word in the ad, I say its totally natural to be able to “get up” when an occasion “rises” for it.  The ad is not “horribly disgusting” to me.

However, exactly eight minutes after his second edit of this post, Contreras added this “disclaimer”: “Note: This photo was only shared to me by a friend.

“Update:

“So, it looks like Google Ads played a cruel game on Rappler on this one. I just learned that ads like the one that appears below (are) driven by the preferences of the reader. On this case, the one who originally took a photo of this and shared it.

“In any case, legitimate and so-called decent and morally upright pages, like what Rappler purports to be, should now really think hard before availing of this facility of Google to avoid embarrassing optics like this one. As parties who claim to be paragons of virtue, knowing that Google randomly loads ads like this, and for Rappler to earn money from it, is somewhat problematic.”

My Facebook friends opened the same Rappler link in their respective browsers to point out what the great Contreras cannot seem to grasp. In a fraternal cousin’s browser, the same ad spot displayed a website that offers “quirky and stylish” home decors. In another distant relative’s try, a website selling ready-to-wear apparels. Mine? Well, it was just a “boring” in-house ad of Rappler calling for its consumers to uphold press freedom and advocate for fearless journalism.

Contreras, ser, a different ad appears depending on what a user regularly browses. Rappler (which didn’t claim to be a paragon of virtue, bitidub) cannot possibly filter what appears on its Google Adsense spot. Do you even know how many active users are on the Internet? Each of those users will see a different ad on the same spot that you riled about.

To those who do not know Contreras, he specializes on political theory and analysis, cultural theory and politics, and the politics of everyday lives. It is safe to say Contreras is a smart noodle (no pun intended). However, I cannot wrap around the fact that a smart guy like him still doesn’t get how Internet AI works.

If you want lewd, sexist, and vulgar language, you only need to listen to the President, Martin Andanar, Salvador Panelo, RJ Nieto, and other functionaries of this administration, Mr. Contreras. Now, those people have said an appalling amount of vulgarity on live TV and radio.

Plus, “maybahay” is vernacular for a wife. What is so vulgar about finding food supplements online just so you can satisfy your spouse in bed? Vulgar would be a city mayor saying he should be the first to fornicate with a corpse so that her beauty won’t be wasted is, Contreras.

Let’s go back to the Contreras’ hard stand yet limp reasoning. You don’t have to be ashamed of what you browse on the Internet. The Internet has been the best thing there is since the invention of the loin clothe.

In closing, I’d like to give you an unrequited advice, Mr. Contreras. Don’t just thrust away in your keyboard looking for “hard” drugs for your “friend’s” limp biscuit problem. As you have shown quite eloquently, one cannot trust everything that is on the Internet. I mean, guaranteed “13 hours”? I cannot imagine the chaffing involved in that.

Try lots of sibuyas bombay (bulb onion) in your diet. If that fails, try banging your “friend’s” limp appendage with your front door.

T.G.I.F.

“If a really stupid person becomes senile, how do you know?” -George Carlin

NOT that I didn’t expect it to happen but this administration’s supposedly best and brightest have gone bananas lately. Every single day, the functionaries of Digong Dada seem to be looking for spectacular ways to show how inept they are.

Let’s start with the less despicable to the most abhorrent stunts these schmucks have done. Sorry, too, if you will not find Margaux Uson in this list, my dear readers. I’ve limited this list to people in this administration who I thought knew better or at the very least act like rational human beings. All of these stunts happened within a single week.

After learning that public school teachers have been availing of various loans, even from 5/6 neighborhood loan sharks to make ends meet, Education Secretary Leonor Briones issues Deped Order 55 or the “Revised guidelines on the Implementation of P4,000 Net Home Pay for the Deped Personnel.”

It sounds great, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, all this fancy-titled order means is that it will make sure that the outstanding loans the teachers have due for the Government Service Insurance System and the Pag-ibig Fund are being deducted from their salaries.

The department will also “identify measures that will enable teachers to manage their finances.” Here’s a good idea. Why not increase their salaries so they can manage their finances?

But then again, it might do me good not to ask questions to this administration. It has this nasty habit of branding people “kupal” for asking questions that make them uncomfortable.

In its verified Facebook account, the Office of the Presidential Spokesman, a supposed “former page administrator” of theirs posted insults against TV News 5 news reader Lourd de Veyra and Rappler’s Pia Ranada.

Scrambling to do “damage control,” Rene “The Pastor” Abella said the access of the former page administrator who was “no longer connected to with the office” to its official Facebook page has been revoked.

“The said comment does not reflect the official and personal views of the Presidential Spokesperson or his office on the individuals being referred to,” Abella said in probably the lamest statement.

I say lame because Abella didn’t bother to name the person responsible. He did not explain why a person who is supposedly no longer connected to his office could still access to its official social media account.

Abella’s statement even lacked the most basic of statement on faux pas, an apology. For an office that deals with communications, it’s heartbreaking to see them fall flat. The statement was sophomoric at best.

However, none of that is Abella’s problem anymore. He has been replaced.

In what was a literally midnight appointment, Digong Dada announced on Friday that Kabayan Rep. Harry Roque will be the new presidential spokesman.

Roque will have the item of secretary while the bumbling Abella is an undersecretary. When he made the announcement, the President said Roque fits in his Cabinet because they’re both talkative — “medyo malikot ang bunganga namin.”

The midnight appointment raised a lot of eyebrows. Roque who has been known to be a human rights and freedom of expression advocate accepting a post known for its spins and “interpretations” is quite unnerving.

But maybe this is a good thing. After all, Roque has been known to fight tooth and nail for the assertion of human rights.

“By taking up this position, I intend to refocus the attention of the people more towards the fundamental position of the State, and less towards the manner by which such has been declared,” Roque said in his statement on accepting the post.

He stated further: “By accepting this position, I am not condoning the violence surrounding the government’s anti-drug campaign, nor do I intend to further the same.”

However, as fast as you can say “Pinocchio,” Roque’s first statement as presidential spokesman was that the President is not a human rights violator.

Way to go, earning your keep, Sir, using your background in human rights advocacy to deodorize the bloodthirsty administration. Apparently, two wigs are, indeed, better than one.

Let’s wind down this list with the two over-sexed and underlaid minions Salvador Panelo and Martin Andanar.

What can say? These guys are obviously copying their principal’s penchant for “shock” contents in their public engagements. Panelo did it during a Swiss National Public Radio and Television interview and Andanar during his “meet and greet” with Filipinos in London.

Panelo blurted out that he f**ks like an 18-year-old. Then he doubled back to say that he mispronounced the letter “p” and that he meant “pack like an 18-year-old.” This mother of packers even had the gall to accuse the interviewer that by pointing out his gaffe, she had swept aside “the meat of the interview on the rationale of the issues raised against the Duterte presidency.”

Being a Bisaya myself, I know that mispronouncing the letter “p” as “f” is common. I remember a friend who proudly declared he had just been hired by “Pilifin facking korforeyshen” and that he had been hired to “fack faynepols.”

Let’s just give this geezer the benefit of doubt for a second. If he truly meant packing his bags, how then does that connect to the prior statement that he is “better in bed?” So, no, Mr. Panelo. I won’t buy your packing reason.

Another Bisaya in this administration, Andanar, introduced a colorful Bisaya word to the world: “pala-**ot.” He relegated the critiques of this administration as noisy underlaid and bitter people.

So yeah, this government is f***d, alright!

Memory lane

A FEW days before my death, I was born. I died in mid-March of 1974 in Annex II of the then Northern Mindanao Regional Training Hospital. Doctors were only able to revive me after they “cut down” a major artery in my lower leg.

I have so many fond memories in the now Northern Mindanao Medical Center. As I said, I was introduced to the hospital when it was just a training hospital. I practically grew up in that hospital.

Last week, when my brother called to invite me to the launch of their year-long centennial celebration, I was so excited. It is not every day that you get to celebrate 100 years of something because it takes literally a hundred years to do so.

“Housed in a building of mixed materials with a nipa roof, the Misamis Public Hospital opened on Oct. 1, 1917, in the district of Carmen, Cagayan, Misamis Province,” the centennial committee on its history written in its short summary of its 100-year journey to where and what it is now.

It was established at a time when the country was under American colonial rule. However, it was maintained mainly with funds from the Capitol under the then Governor Isidro Rillas, who served as Misamis governor from 1917 to 1919.

In 1932, the then MPH was constructed in its present location at the Capitol grounds. However, the hospital was destroyed during World War II. In 1945, it was rebuilt and renamed as Misamis Oriental Provincial Hospital.

As I told fellow columnist Rhona Canoy, that name seemed to have stuck. Until now, many Kagay-anons, when they flag a motorela, still inexplicably tell the driver: “Sa provincial, nong.”

In 1966, by virtue of Republic Act 4662, it was renamed and declared as the Northern Mindanao Regional Training Hospital. This was the first step in its journey to becoming a tertiary medical facility in the region.

My mother, Thomasita Bajao Corrales, was already a senior nurse then. I would eat my lunch with her at its cooperative canteen or at the room for minor surgeries at the dispensary.

The best part of growing in a training hospital was mingling with student doctors and nurses — lots of fond memories there.

While my contemporaries at Xavier University Grade School were busy with their kote and jolen, I was making cotton balls and vaginal gauze swabs with student nurses at NMRTH.

I was also privy to hospital grapevine. Let’s just say that I was aware of stories about the doctors and nurses. And man, are those stories saucy!

I remember Dr. Dy, with his goatee, ambling his way to the dispensary and never failing to remind me that he circumcised me, much to my chagrin as I try to strike up idle conversations with the student nurses.

There have also been dour memories with the hospital.

No one was with me during my graduation at Xavier University High School. Earlier that afternoon, my father, Emilio, had suffered his fifth cardiac arrest and was rushed to the intensive care of the then newly established heart center of the NMMC.

After typhoon Sendong ravaged our barangay in 2011, all my kids took their prophylactic shots against leptospirosis at the hospital.

Almost two years ago, my mother died at the hospital’s dialysis room.

Let me just say that the hospital has been an important part of my personal history. Maybe that’s the reason why I was also excited with its centennial year. Like a long-time friend, we share a lot of history together.

My brother who is working at the hospital now told me they are planning to hold various activities to highlight their centennial year. It began with the unveiling of the centennial wall in front of the hospital last week. He said they will hold a major activity every month until October 2018.

I can’t wait to cover each and every one of these activities.

‘Rebolusyon sa inyong baga’

“There is no natural, spontaneous process to prevent destabilizing, inegalitarian forces from prevailing permanently.” – Thomas Piketty, The New Yorker

THIS administration and its minions have been bandying about lately the word “revolution” and its adjective form “revolutionary” like it is some kind of magic wand which will waive away all the horrific transgressions it is committing to the very people who brought them to power.

Please permit me a slight digression before I continue. I’d like to give a shout out to Fr. Brennan, SJ (apologies because for the life of me I can’t remember his first name) for teaching us basic Latin in high school. He taught us that if we learn Latin we could virtually be walking dictionaries.

Now back to the point I was making.

The Middle English word “revolution” is derived from the Latin revolutio which means a turnaround. Merriam Webster defines it as “a fundamental change in political power or organizational structures that takes place in a relatively short period of time when the population rises up in revolt against the current authorities.”

Dictionary.com defines revolution as “an overthrow or repudiation and the thorough replacement of an established government or political system by the people governed.”

In sociology, revolution is “a radical and pervasive change in society and the social structure, especially one made suddenly and often accompanied by violence.”

So, there. From the definitions alone, you can pretty much see how unnerving it is to hear people in power spouting such platitude. In the definitions, it is clear that the overthrowing variable is the population or the people governed or the ruled class.

What do this administration’s minions expect? Like, do they honestly believe Digong Dada will overthrow his own bloody rule? especially now that he has tasted intoxicating power, which possibly is only equaled by the dose of Fentanyl he has been taking?

This may come as a shock to you but what actually happened in Edsa 31 years ago was nowhere near a revolution. At best, it was a revolt of the middle class. Look where it has led the Filipino people too. It has dumbed down the collective understanding of what a revolution actually is.

It has been pointed out to me by a kuya-kumpare, no less, that a revolution isn’t necessarily a violent event. Methinks this kind of thinking is revisionist in nature — strongman Marcos’ “green revolution” comes to mind.

But if we revisited the true meaning of the word, how can an overthrow or replacement of an established system be anything peaceful or benign?

You have to realize that the system being replaced or overthrown has people (read: human beings) behind it. Do you honestly believe these people will just up and leave because they will be replaced by another paradigm?

Do you honestly believe that the P6.4 billion worth of shabu that breezed through the Bureau of Customs — thanks to the Davao Group — will end and will not happen again once this administration’s version of “revolutionary government” comes to power?

These people have been making a butt-load of money out of this sweet arrangement they have right now. Do you think they will just give this largesse for an altruistic goal of “uniting” the Filipino people?

Revolutions are always ugly, violent, and messy — always. The national democratic revolution that has been raging for the past four decades is a testament to that.

This administration threatening that it will establish a “revolutionary government” is like it says it respects human rights, due process, and rule of law. It is simply not true to what it is doing to our nation.

You cannot push a “threat” of a revolutionary government when most Filipinos have been living it for decades.

You see, revolutions are not threats. It is a lifestyle and the ruled class is living it.

The ruling class, to put it bluntly, is neither in the position nor have the moral ascendancy to call for a revolutionary government. The ruled class is the proper variable in the equation to complete a revolution, Einstein!

Jeez! Did all these “smart and brightest” flunk world history?