Ad for the wishy-washy

“Maybahay, ******** ko 13 oras – Garantisado: buong gabi ligaya.” – www.borsa.ru

CALL it what you will but because of the kind of vibes this administration emanates, its spin doctors and apologists often never fail to follow suit — with “funny” repercussions, if I may add.

I call it the steamy and macho kind of vibes.

Last week, one of the outspoken (which most of whom usually are) apologists of Digong Dada, La Salle political science Prof. Antonio P. Contreras, posted a public rant of sorts on his Facebook wall.

“Rappler complains about the ethics of a broadcaster allegedly threatening one of its reporters, but it doesn’t even bother choosing the kind of ads it allows to be published on its page. Horribly disgusting! John Nery must be furious at this obscenity,” he first posted.

The rant was about a story of Rappler reporting about yet another Digong drummer boy RJ Nieto goading Palace spokesperson Harry Roque to throw hollow blocks at Rappler journalist Pia Ranada on live talk radio over DwIZ 882AM. The quote I cited at the beginning of this column is the exact wording of the ad Contreras pointed out as “horribly disgusting.”

As to why the great Contreras singularly called out Kagay-anon John Nery, I still cannot connect. Nery is the editor-in-chief of Philippine Daily Inquirer’s Internet content and is in no way connected or involved with Rappler’s website. You can even call the two news organizations competitors.

Moving on, naturally, the public post went viral. Most of those who shared (me included), pointed out that the ad that appeared below the Rappler article was a result of Google Adsense’s logarithm. To break it down, the ads that appear on certain parts of any website that avails this ad logarithm depends on the kind of websites you usually browse. It is like an artificial intelligence of sorts. Google Adsense profiles the user according to his or her browsing history.

So, based on that particular ad, the algorithm of Google Adsense profiled the user to be a sex-craving middle-aged male with a limp member. I posted this explanation with Contreras’ public rant and most of the others who shared the “hard” post of Contreras, as well.

Before you judge, it is not a pornographic ad. As I understand it, it is an ad for a sex-performance enhancement drug. In short, it’s anti-erectile dysfunction medicine. Except for the one vulgar word in the ad, I say its totally natural to be able to “get up” when an occasion “rises” for it.  The ad is not “horribly disgusting” to me.

However, exactly eight minutes after his second edit of this post, Contreras added this “disclaimer”: “Note: This photo was only shared to me by a friend.

“Update:

“So, it looks like Google Ads played a cruel game on Rappler on this one. I just learned that ads like the one that appears below (are) driven by the preferences of the reader. On this case, the one who originally took a photo of this and shared it.

“In any case, legitimate and so-called decent and morally upright pages, like what Rappler purports to be, should now really think hard before availing of this facility of Google to avoid embarrassing optics like this one. As parties who claim to be paragons of virtue, knowing that Google randomly loads ads like this, and for Rappler to earn money from it, is somewhat problematic.”

My Facebook friends opened the same Rappler link in their respective browsers to point out what the great Contreras cannot seem to grasp. In a fraternal cousin’s browser, the same ad spot displayed a website that offers “quirky and stylish” home decors. In another distant relative’s try, a website selling ready-to-wear apparels. Mine? Well, it was just a “boring” in-house ad of Rappler calling for its consumers to uphold press freedom and advocate for fearless journalism.

Contreras, ser, a different ad appears depending on what a user regularly browses. Rappler (which didn’t claim to be a paragon of virtue, bitidub) cannot possibly filter what appears on its Google Adsense spot. Do you even know how many active users are on the Internet? Each of those users will see a different ad on the same spot that you riled about.

To those who do not know Contreras, he specializes on political theory and analysis, cultural theory and politics, and the politics of everyday lives. It is safe to say Contreras is a smart noodle (no pun intended). However, I cannot wrap around the fact that a smart guy like him still doesn’t get how Internet AI works.

If you want lewd, sexist, and vulgar language, you only need to listen to the President, Martin Andanar, Salvador Panelo, RJ Nieto, and other functionaries of this administration, Mr. Contreras. Now, those people have said an appalling amount of vulgarity on live TV and radio.

Plus, “maybahay” is vernacular for a wife. What is so vulgar about finding food supplements online just so you can satisfy your spouse in bed? Vulgar would be a city mayor saying he should be the first to fornicate with a corpse so that her beauty won’t be wasted is, Contreras.

Let’s go back to the Contreras’ hard stand yet limp reasoning. You don’t have to be ashamed of what you browse on the Internet. The Internet has been the best thing there is since the invention of the loin clothe.

In closing, I’d like to give you an unrequited advice, Mr. Contreras. Don’t just thrust away in your keyboard looking for “hard” drugs for your “friend’s” limp biscuit problem. As you have shown quite eloquently, one cannot trust everything that is on the Internet. I mean, guaranteed “13 hours”? I cannot imagine the chaffing involved in that.

Try lots of sibuyas bombay (bulb onion) in your diet. If that fails, try banging your “friend’s” limp appendage with your front door.

People's Clamor: Freedom of Information Act

Ode to horses of Troy

Unite! Oh, paladins of Mother Earth

Let their maculate aggress be for naught

They’re wolves in ewe’s fleece, cowardly and guileful

Scuttlebutt, Trojan horses, chicane-sleuths

Chesty hubris of a bruised ego

Grown tender, deluded of bygone glories

Heed not the hoggish imp’s salvo

Our crusade transcends his inanities

The imp’s derogation, we shall overcome

Of following orders and understanding 'em

 It is only natural for people to want to protect their hard-earned properties.

I DO NOT want to be a wet blanket—pardon the pun—especially since this city's Disaster Risk Reduction Management Council (CDRRMC) has already celebrated its “zero-casualty” feat¹ in responding to super typhoon 'Pablo' (International code name: Bopha) that pummeled Cagayan de Oro and other parts of the island, last week.

Even if the “zero-casualty” claim has raised some, if not many, eyebrows, I still say City Hall has done quite a feat as compared to its response—or the lack of it—when tropical storm Sendong (International code name: Washi) flooded this city and claimed some 600 lives and destroyed at least hundreds of millions of infrastructure, properties and agricultural production.

While City Hall sycophants are busy patting each others back for a job well done, there is something we should reexamine if only to further improve our city's disaster response in future calamities—natural and man-made.

Let us take a closer look at the supposed forced evacuation order of Mayor Vicente “Dongkoy” Emano at the height of 'Pablo,' ang how the Cagayan de Oro City Police Office (Cocpo) implemented the order.

Under the Disaster Risk Reduction Management Law (RA 10121), the local chief executive can exercise its police powers to order a forced evacuation in areas where widespread danger is imminent, of which Emano did on December 4 shortly after raising the alert level to code red. The city then, has been included in the list of areas under storm signal number 3.

I, personally, was sort of excited to see this order in action because one, it was going to be my first time to see a forced evacuation implemented and I only see this in the movies and news coverages on calamities elsewhere in the country.

That day, together with international news wires photojournalists—Froilan Gallardo (Associated Press), JB Deveza (Agence France Presse) and Cai Panlilio (Thomson Reuters)—we visited Sitio Tambo, a community of shacks beside Cagayan River and were surprised to see people, albeit only adult men, still in their shacks.

“We have already evacuated my wife and four daughters to an evacuation center in Zone 8 last Monday afternoon. But we opted to stay behind because we are afraid our homes would be looted. Just last night (December 3), we spied and prevented some people trying to get into the houses of our neighbors,” Felix Araneta, married, 39 years old said when I asked him why he was still in his home despite the code red alert of CDRRMC.

However, when a SWAT (Special Weapons And Tactics) patrol car entered the community, that day, the five police officers appeared clueless as to the mechanics of the order.

I approached one of the officers and asked him if they were in the area to implement the mayor's force evacuation order in the community and how they intend to do it. The officer replied they were indeed in the community to effect the mayor's order. However, it was clear in his reply that they did not understand what forced evacuation is.

“We will go around the community to persuade the people to evacuate their homes but if they insist on staying, we cannot really force them to,” the officer said.

ABS-CBN TVPatrol Northern Mindanao anchor Primy Cane, Philippine Daily Inquirer correspondent Bobby Lagsa and other local reporters experience quite the same disappointment in Sitio Tibasak, Barangay Macasandig that same day^.2

Acting city police director Senior Superintendent Antonio Montalba, who arrived in Tibasak two hours late after Emano issued the force evacuation order, told reporters that—he said they were late because they were still having breakfast—they waited for CDRRMC assistant officer Engr. Armen Cuenca to go with them in implementing the order.

Just in case there will be cases filed against them for implementing a direct order of the city mayor, he reasoned to the flabbergasted reporters. Anyway, most of the people in the geohazard areas have already voluntarily evacuated their homes days before, Montalba reportedly added.

Lagsa—in a Facebook thread—quoted Montalba as saying, “wala na lang nako pugsa pud kay gabii na og gusto nako matulog (I did not force the people who stayed behind because the night was drawing near and I wanted to get some sleep),” in the CDRRMC Exit Conference on Wednesday (December 5).

It is only natural for people to want to protect their hard-earned properties. Ergo, for force evacuation to be effective, the people need to be reassured that even if they leave their houses, their properties will be safe from looting.

We can see force evacuation effectively implemented in the Bicol region whenever Mt. Mayon threatens to unleash its wrath. Truck loads of government security forces would go to geohazard areas and physically taken out of harm's way. These security forces stay behind and search every house in the community to make sure every one has been evacuated.

While the people are being transported to the evacuation centers, they could see that the security forces stayed behind to guard their homes from possible looters.

Had Montalba understood his orders, the force evacuation would have been implemented effectively. Ergo, properly implementing the “risk reduction” concept of RA 10121.

Pablo would have been Kagay-anons' first-hand experience of this law in action.

______ 

1 http://www.goldstardailynews.com.ph/mindanao/casualty-takes-new-meaning-in-c-de-oro.html

2 http://www.goldstardailynews.com.ph/mindanao/montalba-takes-his-time-food-first-evacuation-later.html

Witch's brew

In the spirit of Hallow's Eve, I would like to share a recipe of a cough medicine you can brew on your own. Mommy Stella gave it to me. I also feel it is apt--what with the Celtic-borne holiday--since it is called Witch's brew.

My roommate and I tried this when a particularly stubborn cough refused to leave us be for at least three consecutive days. Pastilan!

I cannot even begin to tell you what was more embarrassing, the constipated goose-like heavy panting after a three-minute barking spiel or the burble segue of phlegm that sounds like a rickety carburetor of a Ford Cortina at the most inappropriate times.

Nevertheless, my roommate and I guarantee this "brew" really works. The Witch's brew is good in quelling that stubborn and tickly cough--I've tried it. It is the next best thing to Menthodex because it is cheap.

Actually, it is more effective than all the "all-organic" crap the enterprising local radio block timers hawk on their equally crappy commentary shows air, combined.

Digression. Talking of "wonder drugs" that has been flooding the market of the gullibles, I recall their ridiculous marketing blurbs.

Oh, sorry for rambling, brews. Here's the recipe.

Witch's Brew

1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper

1/4 teaspoon ground ginger

1 Tablespoon honey

1 Tablespoon apple cider vinegar 

Mommy Stella recommends you use the unfiltered vinegar--Bragg. She said not to use Heinz or Del Monte brands since these are not only filtered, these are also distilled.

Yeah, I know. I, too, asked her how much Bragg is paying her for endorsing their unfiltered vinegar. Just joking mamu. d^_^\m/

Seize the day

Challenge boundaries and push limits

Push limits of antiquated laws

Come dissidents, come restless

Seize the day and the next

Next stop, world domination

Bwahahahahah...my sinister laugh