T.G.I.F.

“If a really stupid person becomes senile, how do you know?” -George Carlin

NOT that I didn’t expect it to happen but this administration’s supposedly best and brightest have gone bananas lately. Every single day, the functionaries of Digong Dada seem to be looking for spectacular ways to show how inept they are.

Let’s start with the less despicable to the most abhorrent stunts these schmucks have done. Sorry, too, if you will not find Margaux Uson in this list, my dear readers. I’ve limited this list to people in this administration who I thought knew better or at the very least act like rational human beings. All of these stunts happened within a single week.

After learning that public school teachers have been availing of various loans, even from 5/6 neighborhood loan sharks to make ends meet, Education Secretary Leonor Briones issues Deped Order 55 or the “Revised guidelines on the Implementation of P4,000 Net Home Pay for the Deped Personnel.”

It sounds great, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, all this fancy-titled order means is that it will make sure that the outstanding loans the teachers have due for the Government Service Insurance System and the Pag-ibig Fund are being deducted from their salaries.

The department will also “identify measures that will enable teachers to manage their finances.” Here’s a good idea. Why not increase their salaries so they can manage their finances?

But then again, it might do me good not to ask questions to this administration. It has this nasty habit of branding people “kupal” for asking questions that make them uncomfortable.

In its verified Facebook account, the Office of the Presidential Spokesman, a supposed “former page administrator” of theirs posted insults against TV News 5 news reader Lourd de Veyra and Rappler’s Pia Ranada.

Scrambling to do “damage control,” Rene “The Pastor” Abella said the access of the former page administrator who was “no longer connected to with the office” to its official Facebook page has been revoked.

“The said comment does not reflect the official and personal views of the Presidential Spokesperson or his office on the individuals being referred to,” Abella said in probably the lamest statement.

I say lame because Abella didn’t bother to name the person responsible. He did not explain why a person who is supposedly no longer connected to his office could still access to its official social media account.

Abella’s statement even lacked the most basic of statement on faux pas, an apology. For an office that deals with communications, it’s heartbreaking to see them fall flat. The statement was sophomoric at best.

However, none of that is Abella’s problem anymore. He has been replaced.

In what was a literally midnight appointment, Digong Dada announced on Friday that Kabayan Rep. Harry Roque will be the new presidential spokesman.

Roque will have the item of secretary while the bumbling Abella is an undersecretary. When he made the announcement, the President said Roque fits in his Cabinet because they’re both talkative — “medyo malikot ang bunganga namin.”

The midnight appointment raised a lot of eyebrows. Roque who has been known to be a human rights and freedom of expression advocate accepting a post known for its spins and “interpretations” is quite unnerving.

But maybe this is a good thing. After all, Roque has been known to fight tooth and nail for the assertion of human rights.

“By taking up this position, I intend to refocus the attention of the people more towards the fundamental position of the State, and less towards the manner by which such has been declared,” Roque said in his statement on accepting the post.

He stated further: “By accepting this position, I am not condoning the violence surrounding the government’s anti-drug campaign, nor do I intend to further the same.”

However, as fast as you can say “Pinocchio,” Roque’s first statement as presidential spokesman was that the President is not a human rights violator.

Way to go, earning your keep, Sir, using your background in human rights advocacy to deodorize the bloodthirsty administration. Apparently, two wigs are, indeed, better than one.

Let’s wind down this list with the two over-sexed and underlaid minions Salvador Panelo and Martin Andanar.

What can say? These guys are obviously copying their principal’s penchant for “shock” contents in their public engagements. Panelo did it during a Swiss National Public Radio and Television interview and Andanar during his “meet and greet” with Filipinos in London.

Panelo blurted out that he f**ks like an 18-year-old. Then he doubled back to say that he mispronounced the letter “p” and that he meant “pack like an 18-year-old.” This mother of packers even had the gall to accuse the interviewer that by pointing out his gaffe, she had swept aside “the meat of the interview on the rationale of the issues raised against the Duterte presidency.”

Being a Bisaya myself, I know that mispronouncing the letter “p” as “f” is common. I remember a friend who proudly declared he had just been hired by “Pilifin facking korforeyshen” and that he had been hired to “fack faynepols.”

Let’s just give this geezer the benefit of doubt for a second. If he truly meant packing his bags, how then does that connect to the prior statement that he is “better in bed?” So, no, Mr. Panelo. I won’t buy your packing reason.

Another Bisaya in this administration, Andanar, introduced a colorful Bisaya word to the world: “pala-**ot.” He relegated the critiques of this administration as noisy underlaid and bitter people.

So yeah, this government is f***d, alright!

Resist state terrorism

“No one can terrorize a nation unless we are all his accomplices.” – Edward R. Murrow

I REFUSE to aid and abet this administration’s state terrorism. I have resisted the state-sponsored terrorism of past presidents of this Republic and I am not about to change that on account of the misleading chatter on social media platforms.

Yes, just as what past populist despots have done, Digong Dada has owned the new platforms of expression — thanks to enterprising online people.

State terrorism has been defined as “a form of terrorism which sometimes occurs when governments implement neoliberal policies lacking widespread support.” I dare say it’s lacking widespread support because far more Filipinos are not online. This administration’s noise on social media platforms is fake. We have uncovered them time and again since Day 1 of this administration.

The Alliance for the Advancement of People’s Rights, more popularly — or in this administration’s perspective infamously — known as Karapatan, aptly puts in its second issue of its monitor of Duterte’s first year in office.

“Duterte has become a public relations expert – spitting out arguments that drug users are less than human, strutting with public displays of apathy regarding national and international pressures, manipulating old verbal assault and threats against progressive organizations and human rights advocates who raise concern over the rights issues in the country.”

This administration can yarn every possible spin-off it could muster online but the fact remains that only 14 of every 35 Filipinos are wired online. This seemingly overwhelming “support” rhetoric on social media does not include the marginalized sectors, the sectors that have undoubtedly catapulted Digong Dada to the presidency.

I do not blame them. It is tempting, though. But I will not. These people have every right to hope for a better Philippines when Digong Dada promised it to them albeit in a brusque and curt manner. They have been manipulated and f***ed up (pardon my French) by the ruling system for so long that when Digong Dada came about, they were all too willing to pledge their allegiance to the seemingly no-nonsense talking politics.

However, his lies started unraveling from the very first day of his presidency. I don’t have to enumerate it here since it would take up most of the space for this column. I do call on readers to witness the state’s affairs with more critical lenses. Unrequited suggestion: Read up on this administration besides Facebook posts, Instagram memes and Twitter feeds.

The last thing you’d want is to be sucked into this administration’s hate rhetoric. And this hate rhetoric worsened with every engagement the president had since Day 1.

Yesterday, Digong Dada gave his second State of the Nation Address. I couldn’t wait for it since our Constitution specifically stipulates this to be done starting at 1 pm and I have to submit this column by 8 am yesterday, at the latest.

I have a soft spot for satires, as you may have noticed in my past columns. That’s why I was glad when I read Professional Heckler’s parody of Digong Dada’s Sona because to be honest about it, I did not expect the President to say something new. It would have been on his war on drugs, f**k human rights defenders, f**k the European Union, etc ad nauseum. It would have been like a “folk” song — folk this and folk that.

As I have mentioned in my past columns, satire is an effective tool in exposing the untruths issue by issue and politico by politico. However, the writer should focus their satirical lens to particular policies or individuals for this to be effective because if you satirize the whole political structure, then it will give the impression that all policies are the same. This would enforce further the status quo. In this case, the state terrorist wins.

A sample of Professional Heckler’s satirical take on the President’s Sona yesterday: “Nang ako ay maging pangulo, nangako akong magbibigay ng trabaho sa ating mga kababayan. Hindi naman sa pagmamayabang, tinupad ko ang pangakong ’yan. Ngayong hapon, kasama natin dito sa Batasan ang tatlo sa pinakamasisipag kong appointees. Hindi lang sila sa office nagtatrabaho kundi pati sa mga rally laban kay Robredo. Palakpakan po natin sina Mocha Uson, Kat de Castro at Arnell Ignacio.” (Applause.)

Digong Dada’s latest verbal stunt was when he said he is willing to go to war against the communist insurgency. Adding that he has the might of the Armed Forces behind him and the Maoists only have the indigenes on their side. He said he is willing to fight this war up to the last standing communist.

Wait. How many days, nay months, did it take him to quell a singular clan in Marawi City again? How is this administration addressing the end of contractualization? What is the position of this administration on the West Philippine Sea?

More importantly, when will he really jet ski and plant a flag on Scarborough Shoal?

Of satires and lampoons

“Political satire is ridicule dedicated to exposing the difference between appearance and reality in public life.” -Robert Mankoff

THERE’S another kind of news circulating on social media platforms but it’s not fake. Far from it. It’s satire news.

However, you have to read it in order to appreciate it. You can’t appreciate satire if you’ll only read its “headline.”

I’m bringing this up in light of Sen. Joel Villanueva’s Senate Bill 1492 or “An Act Penalizing the Malicious Distribution of False News and Other Related Violations. It is a serious law.”

“The passage of this bill will encourage our citizens, especially public officers, to be more responsible and circumspect in creating, distributing and/or sharing news. Addressing national and global concerns should not be made more complicated by false news calculated to cause disunity, panic, chaos, and/or violence,” the bill’s explanatory note reads in part.

It carries a pretty heavy penalty for any thinking Pinoy (pun intended) found guilty–fines ranging from P100,000 to P5 million, and one to five years imprisonment.

Based on this proposed law, fake news is defined as “an information causing or tending to cause panic, division, chaos, violence, hate,” and those “exhibiting or tending to exhibit a propaganda to blacken or discredit one’s reputation.”

Therein lies the problem. The definition is vague. What about political satire? Can the law make that distinction? It’s like the “no bomb jokes” in terminals and airports. What if I tell a bomb poem, or a bomb limerick? Technically, it is not a bomb joke but can the security personnel make that distinction?

Merriam-Webster defines satire as “a way of using humor to show that someone or something is foolish, weak, or bad. It is humor that shows the weaknesses or bad qualities of a person, government, or society.”

Satire is like the jester speaking truth to the king and his royal court. Let me remind you we have some of the most close-minded and “pikon” people in this administration. What will happen to the likes of Professional Heckler or the Superficial Gazette of the Republic of the Philippines when Villanueva’s bill is passed into law?

The communications team of this administration, nay spinners, scares the bejeesus out of me. They have a vast mass of followers but there is no informed political discourse in their brand of punditry. They present so much information on social media and pass it off as true, and they have the money and resources behind each and every article they post. Methinks, without satire, the entire public discourse in the republic will collapse.

I can’t even understand why this administration’s supporters are not so receptive of satirical pieces when their principal is the embodiment of sarcasm–hyperbole and all.

Alison Dagnes, a political science teacher at Shippensburg University, got it spot on when she wrote: “Political (satire) is primarily the mark of the underdog. It’s essentially a complaint against oppression. It’s a complaint against the power structure.”

Satire sharpens critique.

Fake obituary

OF all the clauses in the code of ethics in journalism, the most memorable one for me is: “Do no harm.” I know it is more of a guideline than an actual rule but you can understand the damage you could do to your fellow human beings when you broadcast or publish just about anything without the checking the facts before reporting it.

Humans as we are, we are all bound to commit mistakes.

I once inadvertently “killed” an associate justice of the Court of Appeals by choosing the wrong photo to go with the banner story of a judge who died. The associate justice was so mad that he sent me a letter. I remember becoming a bit nervous because it was written on his official stationary. You know the kind that starts with “from the desk of associate justice…” He asked me to explain within 72 hours why he should not sue me in court.

I explained that it happened because his photo was erroneously filed in a folder under his name. After asking for an apology, profusely, we published an erratum the next day explaining that the photo was not of the judge who died, and that we committed a mistake.

In my 10 years or so in the print medium, I have made mistakes. However, it is another thing when you willingly lie or quote imaginary sources or text messages sent by who-knows-who.

Over the weekend, President Elipe broadcast over Magnum Radio that he received text messages about Opol Mayor Maximo Seno supposedly passing away. Seno subsequently told this paper that it was a lie, and that, obviously, he is alive. He went to the US for a three-month medical leave. Imagine what the false information has done to his family, friends, and worse, his constituents in Opol.

Just so the ex-councilor would understand, let’s turn him into an example. Again, this is just hypothetical. How would Elipe’s loved ones feel if a broadcaster, quoting an imaginary source, falsely reports that he was abducted by the Maute group and then beheaded? Of course, the broadcaster could, like him, hide behind the Sotto Law that allows him not to divulge the identity of his news source. But wait, I recall Prof. Chell Diokno teaching us that the Sotto Law (Shields Law in the US) only protects journalists in the print medium. Sorry, I digressed.

Going back to the Elipe's lie, because he broadcast the terrible rumor passing off as a “news item” over a radio station, his listeners could have taken it as a legitimate news. What if a close relative of Seno with a medical condition keeled over after hearing Elipe’s fake news? Would Elipe be responsible for such death?

It was like Martin Andanar quoting an “intel report” that the journalists who covered the press conference of Sen. Antonio Trillanes III were given $1,000 each.

Working in mass media should not be taken lightly. There will consequences to everything you publish or broadcast. Andanar got demoted for maligning the Senate press corps. What do you think will happen to Elipe?

Just recently, this paper erroneously accredited a photo to our correspondent although it was not his. We have since admitted our faux pas, apologized, took down the photo and article, and published a clarificatory article the very next day.

Still the group felt pissed off. But that’s another story all together because it turned out their beef was misdirected at us when they were really pissed off with another group with the same name.

People's Clamor: Freedom of Information Act

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